Sorry for the delay! Lobsters ate my socks.

Howdy y'all! Sorry it took me awhile to get back on. I was kind of in a funk but now I'm not!

I've discovered how to cure world hunger. Everyone would take a blimp ride while making delicious sandwiches and putting them into baggies. Then they would be dropped where they would be needed. (The sandwiches, not the people.) On the plus side if it doesn't work, is everyone would get a complementary blimp ride.

Also our family finally found a house to live in! Hooray! My room is bright blue. Prefect to mask my deep dark and dangerous plotting. I also have job interviews. They are for ballroom dancing. Thankfully my two left feet haven't grown completely back yet so I don't have to hack off too much of it.

Plus I have a new jar of Nutella. And macaroons. Everything gets better with Nutella and macaroons.

Also I think I made ants who read this blog angry. They've started attacking my room... one was flying around in it today. I think I heard it swearing at me and saying I was giving ants a bad name, but that could've just been the humming of their wings. Or the ghost.

Finally! A not so boring night!

I finally had an adventure this week! Huzzah! My family and I went to dinner and a movie just for the heck of it (probably to get me out of the house before I started hissing at sunlight.) I love my family, they make my life awesome.

The night started at Ruby Tuesday's where we got scrumptious food and an ogling from the waiter. We got our drinks and straws and I thought it would be funny to shoot the cover at my step mom since she was teasing me. The cover did a swan dive and landed on a table filled with old ladies. I knew then it would be an awesome night.

My dad and I went to get some salad at the salad bar which is perfectly normal for hungry people. At some point Dad decided I need spinach greens on my plate and brings it upon himself to help me out. I then receive a generous helping and he proceeds to ask if I want other various veggies to go with it.

Dad: Do you want onions?
Me: I've already got some thanks.
Dad: Do you want peas?
Me: No. I would've gotten them if I had passed, but thanks.
Dad: Green bell peppers?
Me: No thank you!
Dad: What about tomatoes?
Me: I already passed them.
Dad: But they're good for your prostate!
Me: Dad... I. Don't. Have. One.

After that we sat down and shared some light banter between the family (I stabbed my sister's hand at some point with my fork) and then went to the movies. One For The Money is coming out soon (if you don't know what that book is, shame on you twice) and it makes me want to start reading the books again. They are epic.

We saw Abduction though and throughout the entire show, my sister and I were making comment after comment on Hollywood mistakes and how delicious Taylor is.We got in trouble... Probably won't be the last time either.

On the car ride home we decided that Ruby Tuesday's drugged us while we weren't looking. This led to a headbutt between sister and I during a song we were jammin to. No one wins in a headbutt. Unless a possible concussion is a win. To top it off, My ex-boyfriend friend called and everyone decided that they were going to kick him in the shins when he comes to visit. He's been forewarned to bring shin gards and cup. That might not even save him from my sister... She's a plotter, and she plots evil things.

Basically this is a had-to-be there-moment night but it was fabulous. The only thing that would've made it better would be if there was Nutella somehow involved.

Lack of interesting topics...

I've had a lack of life this week so I have no interesting life stories to share with y'all. Sincerest apologies.Giant Man Eating Ants are a pressing issue that I would like to discuss though.

Imagine this. Ants that are people size. And all the different kinds of ants too! Poisonous ones! Those sons of bugs are hard enough to kill as is, the military would have to invent bullets just to dent their exoskeletons. The waste lands would be horrible too! Miles and miles of ant spit and dirt. (I wonder if ants get bad breath?) If this ever happens I pray that NASA has discovered how to make people live on the moon. Or underwater.

Also I would like to add that serrated edged sporks are the superior eating utensil. You can eat anything with that sucker. A foon is pretty awesome too... though it's not serrated. I still approve.

Well, I have nothing left to write about. I'll try and have some fun and actually have social interactions with people this weekend so I can tell you all about it. No promises though... two weeks and counting since I've talked to someone who wasn't trying to sell me food.

I'm also working on writing my books again (Yes plural. One is happy, one is sad, and one is sadistic. Stephen King would be proud. Might even shed a happy sadistic tear with me.)

Speaking of which... I'm out of Nutella...That is unfortunate.

Mmmm... Waffle House. How wonderful to eat you again.

For the past 4 days I have been in the house doing nothing but watching Charmed on Netflix. It makes me want to have awesome witchy powers to vanquish demons with. Regardless, I haven't been outside for longer than three minutes at all this week. The only reason I was outside was to let the dogs pee. Dad and I took an adventure today though! To Waffle House! Their oh so delicious waffles and hashbrowns... Ughh... I salivate just thinking about the place. But it was another epic adventure with my dad with tons of interesting dialogue that I'm sure you all would've found hilarious, but my brain has been zapped due to lack of fresh air. Therefore, no funny commentary. My deepest apologies.

Ladies, sometimes you just have to wear your heels for no good reason. Yesterday I got up off the couch feeling all lousy for not having done anything productive and I decided to take a shower. Then I thought to myself "Self, you should break in your heels. Not only that, you should dress up a little and make yourself feel pretty." And so I did. I blow dried my hair, put on my nice jeans and top, and then strapped on my shoes. I got some laundry done as well as progressed on my baby nieces present. (I'm going to be an auntie!! I am SO. FREAKING. EXCITED.) It's amazing how productive you can be when you feel pretty! My sister (the not preggers one) walked in the door and immediately asked me why I was wearing heels if all I was going to do was sit on the couch all day. I'm a woman. I don't need a reason.

Sorry for the lamenisity that was this post but like a stated earlier, my brain is zapped and therefore so is my creative things... Next time I'll tell you my opinion on mutant ants that take over the world or something to that effect.

It's a ghost! A ghost I say! With fab purple shoes I might add...

 Hello again. :)

I have become a believer. In ghosts. These things are freaking scary! Current ghost encounters include the TV turning on and off all by it's lonesome, doors opening and closing, mirrors tilting, weird noises, lights flickering... Basically your normal ghostly things. All I have to say is that thing better keep it's distance otherwise I'm going to have to resort to kicking it in the exoplasm. Or run screaming from the house like the little girl I am on the inside.

My brother wrote me a letter today! For those who don't know, I'm Mormon. My brother is currently out on his mission and so I haven't seen him in about two years. I miss him to Reese's Pieces! But back to what I was saying, he wrote me :). It's like Christmas in July (or in this case September) whenever I get a letter. It's even better when I get a letter from him though. I do a little dance when no one is watching.

I got a new pair of shoes this weekend too. I don't have a lot of super girly qualities, but one guilty pleasure is shoes. Heels in particular. (A girl has to make up for height somehow.) These make me feel like a diva. A foxy. 5'6". Diva. My dad liked them too! And he gave me a boost of confidence to go with them!

Dad: Those look great in jeans!
me: I know right?! They are SO cute!
Dad: You could totally wear them on dates. Well, if you ever date again. 
me: Yes! That sounds like a great idea! I could grow up and be a... Umm... What's the word I'm looking for?
Dad: Spinster? Cat lady?
me: Hermit. I'm going to be a hermit.

Is family allowed to come and visit? If they are, the hermit community better watch out. It'll be a party!
I'm sure I will make a great hermit. As long as I can have internet... You guys would miss me. :) It's all for you.

Agh!!! My Caramel got in my bangs!

Yesterday was the Apple Harvest festival downtown of where I'm currently and let me tell you something. It was freaking awesome! Most people don't get all excited about that kind of stuff but I LOVE carnivals and festivals. I got a delicious caramel apple (which proceeded to go everywhere other than where I wanted it to go) and a peacock feather in my hair! There were tons of booths set up and it was awesome to see a bunch of the crafts that people were selling.

Here are some of the highlighted crafts.

• Football candles in wine glasses (so you can have a romantic night before the superbowl then party hardy the next day)
• Watches. Some people made watches and they were so cool!
• Melted wine bottles. They made them into bowls and platters with cute little cheese knives and everything!
• Pop can airplanes. Some guy made AIRPLANES out of SODA CANS! There were pinwheels and such but all I could think of was how aerodynamic the planes were. My step mom made the comment "I hope everyone is up one their tetnas shot." Yes I am. I want to play with one. Regardless of the shiny sharp edges. 
• Of course the food was everywhere!!! What festival is complete without funnel cakes, cotton candy and fresh lemonade? A bad festival. This one had at least three vendors of each! Plus caramel apples, fried apple pie, hush puppies... It smelled fabulous! These southern people really know the way to my cholesterol infested heart. I had a chocolate banana popsicle for the first time too. Yummmm!

All this place needed was a ferris wheel and a fun house and it would've been a party on Main. (It got pretty dang close, but all good parties have a fun house.)

Writing on the Seven Seas causes messy handwriting.

I just applied for a scholarship so I might have maybe one on my arms to keep! I followed their rules and wrote and essay on whatever I wanted to talk about. This is, no lie, what I said. I pray that they have a sense of humor like The Bloggess.

I would like to discuss something that will become a great concern in our future and how I can help. This concern is the zombie apocalypse. I'm sure that you are terrified (publicly or privately) about this coming to pass. I, for one, have a weapons arsenal and a fort (with food storage) already figured out for when this happens. It will be an awful time in everyone's lives and only the few and strong will survive. "What will happen to these survivors in the end?" They will need provisions, warmth, and comfort. “How can a young skinny white girl help with this?” I’m going to culinary school. By winning this scholarship, I will be able to go to the Art Institute of Charlotte and learn by professionals how to cook food for any crowd (including zombie survivors).  Who knows, you could be one of those survivors in need of a nice meal after a terrible war. I would be able to provide you with this meal if I have the funds to go to culinary school. You never know when the zombies will strike, and when it’s all over, I will be there to cook a feast for you and your loved ones. Help me help you and please consider me for the scholarship.

I think I deserve at least something for creativity.

You're killin me man! And my little dog too!

Howdy y'all!

Well I need to make a slight edit to my previous post. The boyfriend is now just a friend but he is no less awesome. He still might be mentioned in the future. Maybe if he's so lucky.

So, there are a few things that I want to talk about. Crying, Tuition for college and Nutella.

Crying. It's the most rediculous thing ever! I mean seriously? The man upstairs must have been laughing his butt off when he came up with this one. "Let's make salt water leak out their eyes! I bet no one has come up with that one yet... It will be awesome!" No. It's not awesome. With the whole leaky water deal comes with a whole bucket of nasty. Capt'n Justus Does not approve this message. Sometimes I wish I was a sociopath just so I wouldn't cry. (I think it would be quite interesting not to feel anything really... I might try it for one day and see how it goes.) However, humanity is quite lucky in being with one less crazy person. They wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm a wily one.

Tuition costs are ridiculous. Not only will I lose both arms and both legs going to school but I'm pretty sure that I'll have to sell my kidneys and half of my liver as well. The Art Institute will be a great place to study! When I'm nursed back to health and have prosthetics. An associates degree for culinary arts is $44,303 not including the books and the $800 for a set of uniforms and knives. My dad said the following: "You need to be sure this is what you want to do. Like Pregnancy sure! No turning back afterwards!" I love my family. If you want to see me as a whole human being, I suggest you come and visit me before January. Otherwise, it was nice knowing you all at a semi-reasonable height.

Nutella. Mana from heaven. Spread of the gods. I love this stuff. I might create a whole left side of the menu around Nutella. If you haven't tried it, you need to. If you refuse to try it, you will no longer be my friend. Ever. Unless you try it.

Give me topics on which you want me to discuss. I will give you my opinion on them... And possibly a wounded soul. Occupational hazard I guess. (I'm not sure how many different topics I can come up with one my own unless you want to read about cows and toenail clippings.)

Love,
Capt'n Justus

I'm back and I'm all sassy with a side of salt.

I haven't been on here much because I had school and now I'm graduated and have nothing to do. So I decided that it was time to blog once more! It's been a year since I've posted anything so I will give y'all a quick update on what's been hangin'.

• I was in high school with my senior year.
• I enlisted in the Marine Corps.
• I graduated high school and went to my dad's for the summer.
  
• I became un-enlisted.
• I've applied for cooking school.
• I have an awesome boyfriend that I met this summer. (I say this because I will mention him in my blogs.)
• I have an awesome best friend that I miss dearly. (She will be mentioned as well.)
• I moved in with my dad, step-mom, and sister.

This was the sparknotes version. The book will be written in about 10 years (give or take a few) and you can read about it then.

So here are a few things about me that you should know before you start reading my stuff. I'm fairly certain that I'm becoming an insomniac, hence the more time on my hands. Also, this has caused me to have more abnormal thoughts and so the things I might say could be offensive. I don't mean to be rude, it's just the zombie virus taking a hold of my braincells. On that note, I might add that I'm fairly certain that I will be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. Luckily for humanity, I will probably be shot before I infect anyone.

I hate squirrels, polka, and stupidity. I love people watching, quirky things, and my big happy family. I have a few loose wires up top and so a few of my things could be off the wall. I love The Bloggess and Pink (the person, not the color). They are personal heros of mine. They're all "we are going to be awesome and you're going to be jealous." I plan on being like that. Unfortunately, I'm a procrastinator and so I will only be a tiny amount of awesome for the time being. A tiny awesome, but awesome none the less.

I'm 5'3". My shoe size is an 8 on a good day. My ring size is about a 5.5. I'm small. Don't be hatin'. Small people will rule the world one day. You might not see us coming, but we will take over regardless of your high status. My whole family is at least 6 inches taller than me, except for my mom. She's shorter than me, poor woman.

I think this is all I'm going to write for now. Later I'll start writing about actual topics but for this one I'm just letting you get to know me a little. Just a little, not too much.